UnbelievableTheBook.com

Unbelievable!

     WELCOME SIRE OR MY LADY TO UNBELIEVABLE!
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        THE BOOK IS FOR SALE ALL OVER. HOWEVER YOU CAN
       NOW BUY AN "AUTOGRAPH COPY" FROM THIS WEBSITE AND SAVE
         LOTS OF MONEY PLUS ENTER CONTEST



 WITH AN AUTOGRAPH COPY YOUR CHANCE IS FOR $1,500 INSTEAD OF $1,000
           PLUS SPECIAL DISCOUNTS ON T-SHIRTS AND POSTERS. READ MORE IN
          THE PARAGRAPHS TO FOLLOW.

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ALL ENTRIES WILL BE PROCESSED  RANDOMLY AS THEY ARE RECEIVED BY MAIL. IT'S NOT REQUIRED TO HAVE THE CORRECT NAME OF THE "UNKNOWN AUTHOR" TO ENTER AND WIN THE $1,000 GRAND PRIZE!
HOWEVER, YOU MUST HAVE A VALID  ORIGINAL RECEIPT OF PURCHASE AND ORIGINAL ENTRY FORM WITH THE OTHER CORRECT ANSWERS TO BE REGISTERED WITH A VALID RANDOM NUMBER.  "GUESS" THE CORRECT NAME FOR AN ADDITIONAL $500 BONUS OR ORDERING THIS BOOK ONLINE FOR  A "FREE AUTOGRAPHED"  COPY TO PURCHASE AND BE ELIGIBLE FOR THE $500 BONUS AS WELL!

IT MAY TAKE TWO WEEKS TO PROCESS AND YOU'LL RECEIVE AN E-MAIL OR PHONE CALL WITH A RANDOM COMPUTER ENTRY NUMBER DURING THE TIME BEFORE THE END OF THIS CONTEST.  THIS FIRST CONTEST WILL END ON 12/31/14 AT 3PM (EST).  NOTICE: ERROR IN PRINTING HAS THE WRONG DATE LISTED IN THE BOOK AND THIS ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OVERRIDES ANY PRINTING MISTAKES).  THE DRAWING DATE TO DETERMINE THE WINNER WILL BE ON 02/14/15.  HOW ABOUT A CONTEST EVERY YEAR?  ONCE YOU HAVE REGISTERED YOUR ENTRY, IT WILL BE LOGGED INTO THE COMPUTER AND YOUR "RANDOM ENTRY NUMBER" ASSIGNED TO YOU WILL ALSO BE  "YOUR CONTROL ACCOUNT" NUMBER.  FUTURE CONTESTS WILL HAVE OTHER QUESTIONS TO ANSWER AS A "NEW" ENTRY FOR CURRENT CONTEST (ON-LINE SUBMISSIONS).  NEW PURCHASERS OF MY BOOK WILL HAVE THE SAME OPPORTUNITY TO ANSWERS THE OLD AND NEW QUESTIONS FOR THEM TO QUALIFY AS WELL!
IN THIS WAY,  WE'LL ALL BE MEMBERS FOR LIFE IN "UNBELIEVABLETHECLUB"!  (CAN YOU MATCH MINE?)

THE WINNING NUMBER DRAWN, WILL BE DETERMINED BY THE U.S. NATIONAL DEBT CLOCK AT 3 PM (EST) ON 12/31/14.  THE CONFIRMATION OF THE ACCURACY WILL BE ACCORDING TO THE WEBSITE OF BRILLIG.COM AND BASED UPON BY ONLY THE DOLLARS IN THE NUMBER (NO CENTS).  IN THE EVENT, BECAUSE OF RANDOM NUMBER ASSIGNED SYSTEM PER ENTRY,  A NUMBER DOES NOT MATCH IDENTICALLY,  THE NEXT SEQUENTIAL NUMBER WILL BE SELECTED AS THE WINNER.  IT'S "ROUNDING OFF" TO THE NEXT NUMBER!

WINNER WILL ALLOW THE USE OF NAME AND ADDRESS TO VALIDATE CONTEST LEGITMACY WHICH MAY INCLUDE PICTURES AND WRITTEN OR ORAL CONFIRMATION BY RADIO, TELEVISION OR OTHER MEDIAS.  WINNER WILL BE RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY TAXES THAT MAY BE IMPOSED ON THEM AND OBLIGATED FOR ANY TAX RETURNS THAT IS THEIR NORMAL RESPONSIBILITY EACH YEAR.  WINNER MUST SIGN RELEASE FORM ACKNOWLEDGING THIS BEFORE PAYMENT IS TRANSFERRED TO THEIR NAME!

BOOKS (AUTOGRAPHED FREE), FOR THE $500 ADDITIONAL BONUS PRIZE, AT THIS WEBSITE MAY BE PURCHASED AND MAILED WITHIN FOUR WEEKS OF RECEIPT OF ACCURATE TOTAL PRICE. TSHIRTS/POSTERS ARE INCLUDING TAX, NOT SHIPPING CHARGES.  BOOK IS $28 PLUS tax $2.25  =  $30.25
T-SHIRTS ARE $20 FOR "M" OR "L" ($5 EXTRA FOR XL AND $10 EXTRA FOR XXL)
FLAT RATE POSTAGE IS $7 FOR THE FIRST ITEM AND $1 EXTRA FOR ANY ADDITIONAL ITEMS.
ONLY MONEY ORDERS OR BANK CHECKS WILL BE ACCEPTED WITH 4-6 WEEKS FOR PROCESSING /DELIVERY.
NO REFUNDS OR EXCHANGES ALLOWED! 
MAIL TO:  UNBELIEVABLE!  P.O. BOX 11675, PHILA. PA. 19116-0675
MAKE CHECKS PAYABLE TO:  ART STEIN
 DOWNLOAD THE "ORDER FORM" & RIGHT CLICK MOUSE ON "PICTURE" TO PRINT A COPY LARGER IN SIZE AND MAIL WITH ACCURATE PAYMENT!
(PLEASE NOTE WHICH "VENUE" BROUGHT YOU HERE!)
ex. SEARCH ENGINE, MEDIA, FRIEND, ETC.                                                                                          

ANY T-SHIRT CAN BE MADE AS A POSTER (11"X14" FOR $10, 8 1/2" X 11" FOR $5) TAX INCL. ON T'S AND P'S!
CUSTOM MADE T-SHIRTS FOR $30 (EX. 2 POEMS OR 5 JOKES) FROM THE BOOK! 
CIRCLE "T" OR "P" AND FILL IN DESIRE QUANTITIES!  (WANT A SPECIAL POEM FOR YOU?  +  ON T-SHIRT $40)
MEDIUM OR LARGE AND WITH YOUR PIX ON IT IS $10 EXTRA.  LARGER SIZES $5 EXTRA PER SIZE UP)!
BUY AN "AUTOGRAPHED" BOOK AND GET DISCOUNTS ON T'S AND P'S (T'S $15, P'S 11" X 14" $5, 81/2" X 11" $3)

SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT?   REMEMBER WHEN YOU RECYCLED YOUR BOTTLES  (SODA/BEER)?
THIS WAS SOMETHING SPECIAL FOR CHILDREN. YOU WOULD GET 2 TO 5 CENTS FOR EACH BOTTLE INTACT.  
THE CHILDREN WOULD DRAG THEIR "RED" RADIO FLYER WAGONS ALL AROUND TO COLLECT THEM.   
THESE BOTTLES WERE SENT BACK TO THE SUPPLIERS TO BE SANITIZED AND RECAPPED TO SELL AGAIN. 
DID YOU EVER LOOK FOR FOREIGN MATERIALS INSIDE FIRST OR JUST DRINK DIRECTLY FROM IT? 
DID YOU EVER FIND ANYTHING IN THEM?                                                                                                       
DID YOU EVER FIND A BEETLE AT THE BOTTOM OF YOUR BOTTLE? (TICKLING YOUR LIPS) 
DID YOU EVER HAVE NIGHTMARES ABOUT YOUR STOMACH BECOMING A COCOON?                                     
DID YOU HAVE A FEAR OF DRINKING ANYTHING NOT TRANSPARENT?
DID YOU EVER WRITE THE COMPANY AND THREATHEN TO SUE?
DID YOU EVER RECEIVE A CERTIFICATE FOR A FREE CASE OF SODA? (PAYMENT FOR YOUR INCONVENIENCE)
DID YOU EVER DECIDE TO WRITE A BOOK ABOUT YOUR TROUBLES IN LIFE?
JUST WONDERING?  p.s. IF YOU SEE A CASE OF CAN SODA WITH HOLES AT THE EDGES OF PLASTIC/PAPER
CORNERS, DON'T BUY IT!  IT MOST LIKELY WILL HAVE LITTLE MICE BABIES FROM THE FACTORIES' STORAGE!

TRIVIA QUESTION TIME?  (THIS OFFER IS AVAILABLE THRU APRIL 1st)
HAY!  DID YOU HAVE A BRASS OR IRON POST WITH A CURVED BLADE FACING UP ON THE "STOOPS" OF YOUR HOUSE?  DID YOU KNOW WHAT IT WAS USED FOR IN THE 1940'S AND EARLIER?  MAIL ME THE CORRECT ANSWER  AND A CERTIFIED BANK CHECK OR MONEY ORDER FOR $30.25 AND GET FREE DELIVERY OF MY NEW AUTOGRAPHED BOOK AND BE ELIGIBLE FOR THE $1500 GRAND PRIZE IN THE CONTEST.

P.S.  LIKE CATS?  THIS BOOK CONTAINS A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A CAT & HER WILD ADVENTURES WITH PIXS.
        ALSO, THE YEAR THIS "AUTHOR" SPENT $20,000 ON STRIPPERS TELLING HIS ESCAPADES THROUGH
        OVER 500 ORIGINAL "RISQUE" POEMS AND JOKES! (DO YOU LIKE TO LAUGH ALOT?  DO YOU LIKE TO
        LAUGH TIL YOU CRY?  DO LIKE TO LAUGH TIL YOU PEE?)

SAMPLES:                                      I LIKE TO REMINISCE,              IT'S ANOTHER SAT. NIGHT,                
I'M WITTY AND PRETTY,          HOW I USED TO KISS!              I HAVE MY NIGHT LIGHT!
I RYHME AND CHIME,              A LOVELY MISS,                        I HAVE NO MONEY,
I'M NOT TOXIC,                           ON HER LIPS!                             JUST AN IMAGINARY  HONEY!                  
JUST NOT LOGIC!                        I WANTED TO SLEEP,              I NO LONGER GO OUTSIDE,                      
I'M NOT SLACKIN',                     WITH CIRLS I MEET!                JUST CURL IN BED AND HIDE!
ALSO NOT PACKIN'!                  I LIKE CUTE FEET,                    I DON'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS,              
MY KNEES ARE CRACKIN',     THEY CAN'T BE BEAT!             I'LL DIE ALONE IN THE END!
BUT I'M NOT LACKING!           GIRLS W/SLEEK FINGERS,      I'LL BE SILENT & COMPLETE,
                                                         MADE ME STAY & LINGER!   UNTIL I'M TOO DAMN WEAK!
                                                         MANY WERE THE SAME,       NOT UNTIL THE AFTERNOON,
WHEN I SEE GIRLS,                    THOUGHT I WAS INSANE!    BY MIDNIGHT, I'LL BE DOOM!
THEY MAKE ME WHIRL!
THEY'RE SO PRETTY,                                                                        I'LL BE LOOKING IN ALL THE RIGHT PLACES,
THEY MAKE ME GIDDY!                                                                 TO PUT A SMILE ON ALL MY GIRLS' FACES!
I"LL GIVE MONEY,                                                                            I'LL SHOW THEM ALL MY MOVES,
TO ANY HONEY!                                                                               THAT PUTS THEM IN THE GROOVE!
JUST LET ME CUDDLE,                                                                    TO HAVE THEM SCREAM OUT AT ME,
I WON'T MAKE A PUDDLE!                                                           "YOU DO KNOW HOW TO PLEASE"!
                                                                                                                FROM THEIR LIPS TO THEIR TOES,
sing this poem to the song "young at heart" by Frank Sinatra     ALL OF THEM WILL KNOW!
CAN YOU BELIEVE,                                                                 
WHAT HAPPENS TO ME!                                                                EACH SEASON NEW BIRDS SING,
MY LUCK HAS BEEN SO BAD,                                                       AT MY WINDOW I HEAR THEIR WINGS!
PEOPLE WHO HATE ME ARE SAD!                                              THEY BOTHER ME EACH YEAR,
AND I DON'T KNOW WHY,                                                            WITH TWEETING IN MY EARS!
BUT IT MAKES ME CRY!                                                                   I WISH THEY WOULD GO FAR AWAY,
SOMETIMES IN BED I LIE,                                                               AND FIND ANOTHER PLACE TO PLAY!
I FEEL I'M WAITING TO DIE!                                                          SOMETIMES I WANT TO KILL,
THEN SUDDENLY I WAKE UP,                                                      BUT HOLD BACK ON MY WILL!
BECAUSE OF MY HICCUPS!                                                            I HAD CUT DOWN BUSHES AND TREES,
AND HERE IS THE WORST PART,                                                 I GUESS THEY WEREN'T VERY PLEASE!
I GO OUT AND MY CAR WON'T START!                                    BUT I NEED MY SLEEP,
SO I GO BACK TO BED,                                                                    AND LAY IN BED AND WEEP!
WISHING I WAS DEAD!                                                                   I FIGURED THEY HAVE ALL THEIR SPACE,
THEN THE PHONE RINGS,                                                             WHY DO THEY WANT TO GET IN MY FACE?
AND IT'S A DAMN TELEMARKETER SELLING THINGS!

PICTURES ARE WORTH A 1,000 WORDS,                                        THE TWENTY-FIRST CENTURY,
JUST ASK ANY PLAYBOY NERD!                                                       MAY BE THE MOST IMPORTANT TO BE!
HOWEVER, ALL PICTURES ARE NOT ALWAYS CLEAR,            THE DEVELOPMENT OF CELL PHONES,
SOMETIMES IT TAKES MANY YEARS!                                             ARE TO BE PRAISED ALL ALONE!
LIKE A PICTURE OF A COUPLE'S ENGAGEMENT,                       YOU HAVE REMOTES TO LOCK YOUR DOORS,
OVER TIME WILL IT BE A LASTING DEVELOPMENT!                 TO STOP SOMEONE IF THEY WOULD!
WHO WOULDN'T WANT A PICTURE OF A PRETTY GIRL,         YOU HAVE REMOTES TO ADJUST YOUR HEAT,
RATHER THAN ONE OF A PIG'S FOOD SWIRL!                             SO YOU CAN KICK YOUR SHOES OFF YOUR FEET!
BLOODY CAR ACCIDENTS AND TRAIN WRECKS,                       YOU CAN COOK ALL DAY WITH YOUR CROCKPOT,
WILL GIVE MOST OF US PAIN IN OUR NECKS!                             AND HAVE YOUR FOOD READY ON THE SPOT!
FLOWERS AND PICTURES OF NEW BABIES,                                  NOW ADAYS WE DON'T HAVE A CARE,
WILL GIVE MOST OF US FEELINGS OF GLEE!                                WE CAN BUY FOOD AND CLOTHES ANYWHERE!
SOME PICTURES TURN OUT TO BE,                                                 IF PEOPLE TEXT, TWITTER AND DO TWERKING,
JUST MORE MISERY!                                                                             THEY WON'T HAVE ANYTIME FOR WORKING!
THE ROULETTE OF MY LIFE,                                                              WITH SPRAINED OR BROKEN FINGERS,
ENDED WHEN I LOST MY WIFE!                                                       WARS CAN'T GET STARTED, THEY'LL JUST LINGER!

(the next 4 poems are "very risque"! sing song with the tune of New York, New York!)  EX. "start spreading the news"!
START SPREADING YOUR LEGS,                                                      I MADE A DEAL WITH GOD,
I'M GOING TO PLEASE YOU ALL DAY!                                           I THOUGHT HE GAVE ME THE NOD!
I'M GOING TO MAKE YOUR TOES CURL,                                      THAT EVERYTHING WOULD BE OKAY,
BECAUSE YOU ARE MY SPECIAL GIRL!                                         IF EVERY NIGHT I PRAY!
I'M GOING TO MAKE YOUR FINGERS TINGLE,                           I JUST WANTED RELIEF,
YOU'LL NEVER WANT TO BE SINGLE!                                           FROM ALL MY GRIEF!
YOU'LL GOING TO WANT ME TO STAY,                                       AFTER LOSING MY BELOVED WIFE,
AND PLEASURE YOU IN EVERY WAY!                                           I FELT I HAD NO LIFE!
                                                                                                                    I WOULD LIKE TO HELP PEOPLE,
(this poem sing to the tune of "I am woman" by Carly Simon)        IF MY MONEY COULD REACH A STEEPLE!
I AM CONDOM, LET ME SCORE,                                                       BUT, I LAY IN BED AT NIGHT,
TAKE ME OUT OF YOUR DRAWER!                                                 IN THE DARK WITH FRIGHT!
GIVE ME SOME CHANCE,                                                                  THAT WHEN I DIE IN BED,
FOR A LITTLE ROMANCE!                                                                 I'LL BE ALL ALONE AND NOT WED!
YOU CAN COUNT ON ME,
I WAS MADE TO PLEASE!                                                                   SHOULD YOU FLIP BURGERS ALL YOUR LIFE?
YOU WON'T HAVE TO RANT,                                                           OR FLIP HOUSES TO EXPECTING HOUSEWIVES!
ABOUT RUINING YOUR PANTS!                                                      DO YOU JUMP THE SHARK IN YOUR CAREER?
AND YOU WON'T HAVE IT IN MIND,                                            OR JUMP FROM A SKATEBOARD & LOSE AN EAR!
ABOUT SOMEONE PREGNANT ALL THE TIME!                          DO YOU STAY HUMBLE AND MEEK?
AND YOU WILL BE RELIEVED,                                                         OR BEAT UP ON THE WEAK!
NOTHING ON YOUR SLEEVE!                                                           IS MONEY THAT IMPORTANT TO YOU?
ALSO, YOU WON'T HAVE TO STAND,                                            TO MAKE A STRANGER BLACK & BLUE!
CONSTANTLY WASHING YOUR HANDS!                                     HOW ABOUT GETTING A SECOND JOB?
BUT, PLEASE BE ADVISED,                                                                 YOU ASSHOLE OR STAY A SLOB!
THERE'S NO GUARANTEE, SOMETHING MAYBE ALIVE!
                                                                                                                  MAY ALL YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE,
(this poem sing to the tune of "Little Bo Peep")                                AND YOUR JEWELERY DOESN'T TURN BLUE!
I HAVE A LITTLE PILLBOX,                                                              MAY ALL YOUR TRAFFIC LIGHTS STAY GREEN,
I ALWAYS KEEP LOCKED!                                                                AND YOUR PEE RESULTS ARE CLEAN!
I CALL IT MY 24hr. FRIEND,                                                             MAY YOUR ATITUDE STAY CHEERY,
I SEE IT WHEN MY DATES END!                                                     AND YOUR MIND DOESN'T TURN QUEERY!
I GOT IT FROM MY GIRLFRIEND SUE,                                          MAY YOUR LUCK TURN GOOD,
SHE USES IT AFTER HER DATES WITH LOU!                             AND HELP ME, IF YOU WOULD!
I DON'T WON'T MY FAMILY SCREAMING WHY,                      MAY YOU WIN LOTS OF MONEY,
IF I'M HAVING SEX WITH EVERY GUY!                                       AND SOMEDAY BE MY HONEY!
NOBODY WANTS TO BE THE GIRL DOWN THE STREET,
THAT HAS SO MANY KIDS, YOU CAN'T SEE HER FEET!                     (WARNING: this poem is very risque")
EVEN IF I'M DRUNK AND NOT SURE WHAT I DID,                           WHAT GOES IN & OUT,
NOBODY WANTS TO CHANCE HAVING A BABY FROM SID!         AND WON'T STOP TILL YOU SHOUT!
IF I MAKE A MISTAKE WITH MY BOYFRIEND STAN,                        WHAT GOES UP & DOWN,
I STILL HAVE A BACKUP PLAN!                                                              AND GOES AROUND & AROUND!
I HAVE A GYNECOLOGIST I CAN COUNT ON,                                   WHEN WE'RE DONE,
IF ANYTHING SHOULD GO WRONG!                                                     WE'LL BOTH HAVE FUN!
                                                                                                                            WHAT I HAD FOUND,
(this poem sing to the tune of "I have a little teapot")                                I'M THE BEST IN TOWN!
I HAVE A TOILET SEAT SOFT AND ROUND,                                         I MAY BE OLD,  
I THINK IT'S THE BEST IN TOWN!                                                             BUT, I'M ALSO BOLD!
THINGS SWIRL AROUND AND AROUND,                                             I'LL GO ANYWHERE,              
AND IT NEVER LETS ME DOWN!                                                              EVEN AROUND HAIR!
MY STOMACH HAS NO WILLPOWER,                                                    I'M SENSITIVE TO TASTE & SMELL,
SO I USE IT EVERY HOUR!                                                                          AND I DO IT VERY WELL!
I HAVE MY FAVORITE ROLL,                                                                    WOMEN WERE BORN TO TEASE,
A 1,000 SHEETS I KNOW!                                                                             AND I WAS BORN TO PLEASE!
AND WHEN I'M DONE,                                                                               I'LL DO ANYTHING YOU'LL SEE,
I CAN'T SAY I HAD FUN!                                                                            EVEN GETTING DOWN ON MY HANDS & KNEES!
                                                                                                                           (what am I?)
I ASKED A STRIPPER WHO INVENTED THE TELESCOPE?   SHE SAID, A PEEPING TOM!
I ASKED WHAT THE PILGRIMS PAID FOR MANHATTEN?  SHE REPLIED, "DOES THAT INCLUDE BUILDINGS?"
A STRIPPER IS GETTING IMPLANTS AND WILL KEEP ME ABREASTS OF HER CONDITION!
THE WORD "BRA" MEANS "BREASTS  REALLY AWESOME"!
I AM A "P.H.D."!  (PLEASURE HORNY DANCERS)
MY NICKNAME IN STRIP CLUBS IS "DOM"!  (DIRTY OLD MAN)
I BELIEVE IN "STOP AND FRISK".  IT WORKS FOR ME AT STRIP CLUBS!
I WAS "BLIND-SIDED"! NOT IN A CAR, IN A STRIP CLUB BY 2 GIRLS SIMULTANEOUSLY!
I HAVE A "SIX PACK" STOMACH! I JUST LIKE TO RECYCLE THE CANS!
MONEY CAN'T BUY LOVE! BUT, YOU CAN RENT IT!
"HORMONES" IS WHEN PROSTITUTES HAVE AN ORGASM!
"MANICURE" IS ANOTHER WAY OF DESCRIBING VIAGRA!
"MENOPAUSE" IS WHEN EVERY GUY WONDERS IF HE SHOULD ASK A HOT GIRL ON A DATE!
"MASTURBATION" IS A WAY TO GET IN TOUCH WITH YOUR INNER SELF!
A DOCTOR TOLD ME THE FIRST SIGNS OF AN S.T.D. IS LOST OF HEARING.  I SAID, "WHAT"!
MY PERFECT GIRL: HAS LONG BEAUTIFUL HAIR, SMOOTH SILKY SKIN AND AN ACTIVE PULSE!
WHEN A STRIPPER SAYS "NO"!  IT'S "NO, I WANT MORE MONEY!"
A STRIPPER ASKED ME HOW I SPELL MY NAME. I REPLIED "E-A-S-Y"!
IS IT WRONG TO HAVE A SHOE FETISH?  WHAT ABOUT THE HORSE?
MY MOTHER AND FATHER WERE BOTH GAY.  THAT'S WHY I GET EMOTIONAL AROUND TEST TUBES!
I.R.S. ALLOWING GAY COUPLES TO FILE JOINT TAX RETURNS.  BUT, YOU MUST SHOW NUDE PICTURES!
I TOLD A STRIPPER I NAMED MY BOOK IN 1 WORD.  SHE SAID IT WAS 2 WORDS, LIKE "UNDERPANTS"!
I'M A RECOVERING "SEX ADDICT" THIS YEAR.  TODAY IS MY 365th TIME TRYING AGAIN!
I WON THE "MVP" (MOST VAGINAS PLEASED) AWARD 4 TIMES. THIS YEAR I COULDN'T ENTER (TONSILLITIS)!
I ASKED A STRIPPER FOR A DATE. SHE SAID, "SHE'S A LESBIAN".  I SAID, IT DOESN'T MATTER YOUR RELIGION!
A GUY TOLD ME HE'D STOPPED BEATING AROUND THE BUSH.  HE LEFT HIS WIFE FOR GUY!
I ONLY WORK IN ONE FLOOR BUILDINGS.  BECAUSE OF MY DEPRESSIONS I MAY JUMP OUT OF THE WINDOW!
I WORKED 20 HOURS EVERY DAY FOR 5 YEARS. WHO HAS TIME TO MASTURBATE?
WHETHER THERE'S A HEAVEN OR HELL, I JUST WANT TO FIND THE HOTTEST GIRLS!
GIRLS AT A PARTY WERE LOOKING LIKE I WAS A PIECE OF MEAT.  THEY WERE VEGETARIANS!
THE ONLY THING "CHARMING" ABOUT ME IS MY TOILET PAPER!
A DOCTOR TOLD ME THE FIRST SIGNS OF AN S.T.D. IS LOST OF HEARING, OH AND MEMORY!
THE ONLY GIRLS THAT WILL LOOK AT MY BODY, ARE FROM A WOMEN'S MEDICAL COLLEGE FOR AUTOPSY!
I'M A SPECIAL NEEDS PERSON.  I NEED MONEY, SEX, FOOD, GIRLS, CARS, MORE GIRLS, ETC.!
AS A BACHELOR, I COOK A GREAT FONDU.  WHAT IS FOUND, WILL DO!
I ALWAYS BRING THE "CONDIMENTS" TO PARTIES. LARGE PACKAGES OF CONDOMS AND BREATH MINTS!
I HAD A MUTUAL ADMIRATION WITH STRIPPERS.  I LOVED THEM AND THEY LOVED MY MONEY!
STRIP CLUBS REMIND ME OF "SHAKESPEARE".  WATCHING GIRLS "SHAKE PAIRS"!
SITTING ALL DAY, MY BACK AND LEGS ARE STIFF AND SORE.  WHO KNEW YOU COULD GET EXHAUSTED FROM LAPDANCES!
I HAVE MONEY AND GIRL PROBLEMS.  I HAVE NEITHER!
A STRIP CLUB TO ME IS A B@@BY TRAP!

DISCLAIMER:  NO STRIPPERS WERE HARMED IN THE WRITING OF THIS BOOK! (EVEN IF THEY WANTED IT!)

(THIS SITE IS UPDATED PERIODICALLY,  ALSO AREA CALLED "VIEWPOINT"!)